Should I? Or Shouldn't I? I Should.

My little self-involved rant

Makeup in the style of Roy Lichtenstein.
One of those nights when you just have to scribble on your face.

The truth is, I've always wanted to be an artist. Approximately twenty years ago I asked myself what I wanted to be when I grew up. I did it because everyone else was doing it. It was all the rage. My initial reaction was to wonder if it wasn't entirely too early to be planning out my life at the tender age of five, but all of my peers seemed to have well thought-out answers organized into pitches they could present at the drop of a hat, complete with backup career plan numbers two and three. The pressure was on. I soon found myself crawling through my brain trying to mine some golden vein of bombastic genius. What a waste of time. Though the world was my oyster, I decided to base my decision on what I could actually imagine myself doing for the rest of my life and never getting tired of. As it turned out, no matter what other things I was interested in doing, I really just wanted to paint.

Fast-forward fifteen years and I declared myself an art major despite my inarguably nerdy degree of interest in botany and psychology. In the years since deciding to major in art, doing so, and finding myself hurled into the "real" world where there are no more prerequisites, four-year plans, and pre-assigned advisors, I was reminded all too often that it is not easy to be an artist. Especially if you are female. Especially if you are not caucasian. I've been informed that most successful artists are white men. Wonderful! Challenge accepted.  

Whenever I've asked myself if I should actually try to be an artist, whether full time or on the side, or if I am completely off my rocker because I chose that for a bachelor's degree, these little seeds of doubt have assisted me in flip-flopping more times that I'd like to admit. I've heard before that this and that is more difficult for women and this and that is less attainable for the melanin rich. The statistics are probably impressive and daunting. If I want to believe that trends from the past perfectly exemplify the direction that my future is allowed to take, I might as well put my face on the floor and give up now. 

Here's the thing: once I actually started using my brain and I tried to think of individual people who have been unsupportive of me, advising me to quit painting and drawing, I came up with no one. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've been the most unsupportive supporter out of everyone. What is that all about? I really don't know how I didn't see it sooner. I don't even know these people who say that my chances are slim. Everyone I've actually talked to has told me to go for it, even when it hasn't been what I expected to hear. So... I guess I'd better do that. Especially if my five-year-old self already knew how much my twenty-four-year-old-self would still love painting. I'd rather try and fail than never try and never know. You know?